a set organization for humanity?

what is a rule?
is it something for our life or just school?
is it a way to keep our species under control?
without rules would our world end in a black hole?
do we abide by these "rules" because we're afraid of authority?

if we break these rules do we have a problem with authority?
are we afraid of punishment for in which we deserve?
what would this world go to if there was no rules to abide by?
where would you, yourself stand in which a world you can kill and be innocent?

would it be worth risking youre chances of being in heaven?
would you want to kill someone and get away with it, just someone you strongly hate?
i would think that most people don't have the heart too, but in this world we never know.
would you want to lose the lord's trust?
is it worth losing our eternal salvation for that one person?

why do we have such strong thoughts for one person in which we hate?
or is there even such a thing as hate?
why do kids start to kill more, and parents not paying attention to their kids?
is it in which we have transformed this world and universe into?
what? do you think we are the only ones here?

now you are thinking about aliens.
no i'm talking about more spiritual and more composed.
i believe there is another "humanity" out there
i believe they look upon our society and they laugh
like a little bully upon the playground

because we have become so socially violent
we go from little kids killing, to parents beating kids, and raping kids
why have this world gone to so much of what we don't speak
is it because we have become over ruled, in rules?
we have become so obsessed with power that we live in fear

but what fear do i speak of?
i speak of all fear
all those people who say they're not afraid of anything
i find that even more fear upon themselves, just bottled up
but always remember there is always something to fear.

it follows you everywhere

you know how when you just know when someone is talking about you?
how some people say "you ears burn" or "your nose itches".
you know they don't like you as much as the sky is blue
the person that would just tell on you like a snitch.

some people say when you enter high school be ready for drama
but the thing is that it follows you everywhere
it's like people would talk about you even if you were in a choma
when someone doesn't like you they just stare

so when you're about in your mid twenties
and you are working or goin to school
and there is drama, story after story
when just the other day they told you that you two were cool

backstabbing, what is the definition?
to me, it means that you are one's friend until someone "better" comes along
then you become something you are not
you then talk about them behind their back or take their lover from them

why is it in humanity that we associate with people like this
why is it that we love someone so much that we hurt
why is it the drama just follows us everywhere
why is it that we can never get a long with our parents?

it's because we can never be what we want to amount to
we can never please ourselves
but the question is why can't we do anything we want to do?
it's because we never do what we want because humanity will shun us.
we worry about what everyone else thinks

one year could undo

th biggest mistake i have made of my life. sometimes i wonder if things would have been different if i picked that one person over her. why did i choose her? sometimes it hurts thinking about it. sometimes i think about it over and over. sometimes i always just think about it because i miss it. i find myself wanting to feel that touch. sometimes i find myself going to see you in my dreams. sometimes i sumble upon the memories of what we used to be. i always wonder what could have been. what would have happened. i tend to find myself listening to songs reminding me of you. i look upon the clouds that makes me think about the days we laid in your yard, always talking about how much in love we were. how we would just lay in your bed talking hours upon hours and just holding each other without knowing there was another world out there.

there was once a beautiful girl walking down the road, her name was Kenya. she was walking as she was floating along the horizon. the light reflected off of her, her beauty having all the men fall for her. but all she wanted was for one guy just to listen to her and not just fall inlove with her because of her beauty. she just wants a friend, someone to hang on too, to talk everything with.

one day i was walking to the store when i saw her walking down the road. i took my chance and i went over and sparked a conversation. she said hey with a sense of excitment but also shock. i asked her how she was doing and she said "I'm doing fine, how about yourself?" then i knew i could atleast be her friend.

She then said "I'm suprised you came over and talked to me." i asked her why she was suprised, and she said "guys in this town don't normally talk to me. they are afraid of my beauty and think i will just turn the other way and walk." the words that came out of my mouth were the smartest thing i have ever said. "well i wouldn't do that, you seem like a really nice girl. Yeah you're pretty but i know you're not the kind of person who will blow someone off."

she then smiled. i asked her if she would like to hang sometime, maybe go grab a meal. she then smiled and said "that would be nice, you can come over my house tomorrow." so i did and we became the best of friends, then of course we became a couple. i knew i was uncontrolably in love with her. i knew we would last, we were perfect for each other.

she then looked worried one day after about four years of dating. i asked her if anything was wrong and she said she was afraid but she could not tell me. she then asked if she could have my book that my brother gave me as comfort. i told her "of course baby, i would do anything for you." i gave it to her and i saw that she was more relaxed.

then a couple of months later i noticed i haven't heard from her for a while. then i decided to call her, RING RING RING... no answer. i then called her parents and they said they have not heard from her. then i started becoming worried, then i thought she had been weird since that day a couple months ago. then i thought she left me and moved away with another guy.

then one day after i realized she would never come back for me. i woke up for my graduation day then i got up got ready and walked outside and there she was. then my life was complete again

the road and the devil fought for my death but the road bought it

have you ever thought about the road buying your life? you're thinking, "How can the road buy your life?" well drunk driving, massive car wrecks and people dying in these terrible incidents. that's how the road can buy your life. when your in a car alone and you're driving a far distance don't you just feel like you're on a journey and you never know when it's going to end? like the road is your life and you're traveling it going 90 miles an hour. your life is going before your eyes and you don't even know it. you're going down the road just listening to some relaxing music and then all of a sudden. BAM! you get into a wreck then you notice you are pinned down by the car and you can't get out. then you think oh lord this is my time to go. i didn't even get to tell my family i love them. you know the saying you don't know what you got 'till it's gone? well it's true, i have become familiar with this saying about two years ago after losing my foster brother jason leftwhich. he did not die of a wreck or car related accident. he overdosed but that made me realize that saying was completely true. and now i think everyday what could happen. anything can happen to you, a friend, or a family member into a blink of an eye. just remember you're not always promised tomorrow. all these thingswe do to avoid death but how can we really escape it?

i fought it for a long time now

and that day that has changedmy outlook upon my life since that day. zach, my brother was in a car wreck, a very bad one and he and all of my cousins were injured. everytime i'm driving i think about that time when they were in a car wreck. car wrecks and almost dying about family members will touch almost anyone. here to this day i still think what if they had died. i would not know what to do. does anyone live with themself when they lose a family members in a car wreck? jacob my cousin was hurt the worst. permanently he nedded reconstructive surgery on his face. quite frankly they are all ok now.

why choose poison rather than just living?

some people make fun of the things i choose to live my life by
straightedge, what does it mean to me?
i beliebe it is a way to keep me alive longer and tell others about what could happen to them
i mean drugs has taken loved ones like jake nelson and we all loved him
but shouldn't we take this time into consideration?
he died from overdosing, if you ask me some people
what do you think jake would want you to do? do you think he would want you to do any drugs?
some people would be like yeah he would! but if you really think about it he would say no, he would want you to be alive and he would want us to live our lives.
i went through the same thing with my foster brother, jason leftwhich. i loved him alot as family and he overdosed as well, just not on the same things.

i mean we're 16-18 year olds getting "wasted" and getting so "blown" that we don't understand what is going on in the real world or thinking about the future.

i'm writing this blog so kids our age or anyone else would not make the mistakes our beloved ones have made and had came into the sudden stop of life. we all know they are in a better place but they would still be living if they wouldn't have made those choices. i know my foster brother he had a kid on the way when he died. her name is jaycie leftwhich and she is 2 years old now and all her life she will wonder where daddy is. so once again straightedge to me is a way of lifestyle to keep me alive and helping people with their problems.

back in the day

back in the day
we didn't care what we wore, or looked like
we didnt care what we say
around the time we learned to ride a bike
when we could find fun out of nothing
before drugs and relationships came into the picture
when knee scrapes were actually something
when we didn't hate our brother and sister
remember when we would sleep in class and not get in trouble
before the cliques and popularity came in
we would go to school in a hustle
before we knew of death and sin
our childhood dreams changed everyday
we played with the kinds around the neighborhood
we would say more then just hey
and we would say the pledge proudly and stand

my life passion is making and composing music. music is my life and what keeps me going. when i grow up i want to be making music that people will enjoy and will sing in the car with their friends driving down the summer roads. just making someones like better just because my music touches them and makes them realize their life is meaningful. another passion that i am all about is being straightedge, it's who i am and what i do. i have had a foster brother die from doing drugs and drinking. i do not want to be that person. if he was here he would tell me it's not what he would want me to do. i don't need drugs to have fun like every other teenager in this school let alone country and/ or world. i have joined this family a couple months back and my life hasn't been any better. i am glad i have found this way of life because it
s alot safer and alot better than killing myself.

how can we do something like love when we don't know if it's true? you have no idea that it is real or not. i guess it's just a belief like your religion. things dissapear like people in your life, or affections for someone. so how can we do something that we don't know is real. i have been questioning this for a while now. i know that i am too young to know what love is but what about our parents or adults or strangers in the street. do you think people are generally mean until they find that someone who brings the best out of them? sometimes it just seems like that.

a mannequin is more real

the images we wear to fit in
the image we put in just to a grin
just to get a laugh, smile, or even hate
we re-arrange our images at the rate
as it takes someone to say yes to drugs
when they just said "no drugs, i do hugs"
these people are as fake as a mannequin
but what do you say when
you're loved one wants you to do this
and you don't do it, but you still add it to your list
to being fake and wearing an image just to impress

“How can something so mysterious now make sense?”

White, fluffy, mysterious
Beams of light escaping through the horizon in the space
The darkness is making me delirious
It’s like my life is in a race
And death is a finish line
Seeing my last drop of darkness
Because the light is my cure to being insane
I feel no reason to live, but I’m hooked up for none other than my brain
Wires in and out of me to keep me alive
But all I want to do is vision heaven and arrive
But, my family wants me here
They’re telling me I’ll be okay but I can’t hear
How can you hear something that you don’t want to
They number of years I have left is two
But then I see the most beautiful thing ever
like when you see your loved one every year
she comes back with her other one
he doesn't know that i'll be the one
but why even try? i'm gone
the angelic bells ring and i know it's time
this is the time to see the prime
there he is with mark's on his feet and hands
we are standing on what feels like sand
i look down and all i see is a cloud
once white, fluffly, mysterious and no just round
then he teels me "There is meaning in life"
he says i need to have kids and receive a wife
i have looked over you son
just remember behind the clouds is me, the sun
then he is gone just vanished
and now i come back gasping
like i was under water about to pass out
gasping, beeping, and my heart beating
and now i'm back to that perfect life that never started