how could this happen?

there is something that has happened to me that i don't like to think of very much but i find myself thinking of it every second of every day. well first i will let you know there was this girl and she caught my eye, more than anyone could know.

well there was this one day that i was at an Apollo vs. catholic volleyball game. i knew very many player son each team because my dad coaches at Owensboro Catholic and i go to school at Apollo of course. well i was talking to my friends Haley Jones and Lauren Connor. as i was talking to them i looked over just glancing around and i seen her. she was so beautiful, now don't get me wrong I'm not saying i fell in love at first sight, but i knew when i seen her i had to get to know her.

i remember just like it was yesterday, i seen her online on myspace. so i decided to talk to her. i started out with a simple "hey, how're you doing?" keeping the belief of the doubt that she would even talk to me at all. then a couple of minutes later i got a comment back from her saying "heyy! and terrible because i have swine flu :/." ever since then we have talked. it was very seldom at first, just texting having small conversations.

i would always bring up the fact that she was so cute with her big words and the way she talked. but as any other cute girl would she would just blow it off with a simple thank you. we became friends, and no not like a huge fairytale we did not become best friends. i remember when i was at my girlfriend's house she would always text me around 9:30, 10 o'clock and she would always tell me goodnight. and to know that she thought of me before she went to sleep and she took the time to text me before she slept made me happy.

we first started talking in the middle of September like right before district was about to start. now we are coming to the end of November and early December. i remember me and her would take more regularly and start flirting a little more, she would flirt but of course not as much me. i could tell she was somewhat interested in me but she would not come to tell me that she did.

around this time after very many failed tries i decided to start talking to this other girl haley and of course we dated. She would text me randomly for the two weeks that me and her dated and i would ignore them. the day after a bad break up of me and Haley,she decided to text me and we got deep into talk. she asked me why i was talking to her now since im still dating haley, and i admitted to her that we broke up. now from just being on the phone i could tell the glaring smile she had across her face. she admitted to me that she liked me and she wish she would have told me earlier. now the thing was the i told her i felt the same exact way and i asked her what took so long.

i remember one night she had to go to this Christmas dance at burns, because she is in middle school. yes, very young i know but age is just a number and i don't pay attention to age. well i have been texting her all night even though she was at a dance she texted me back faster than i could even put my phone up. a girl's way to show you that she likes you and wanted to be with you is being eager to text you even though they are busy. i remember that night i went to McDonald's with my cousin Austin and we were driving around. as i walked i seen some girls in dresses and i was like oh yeah the dance. well the first thing i heard when i walked is was some girl say "hey, isn't that blake that just walked in?" i immediately looked over to where i heard the sound come from, and i seen her sitting down with her friends. she was wearing a red dress, as i remember.

i did not let her know that i seen her just waiting for her to talk to me or see if she would even say anything. as we were still texting i asked her what she was doing and as i took out my phone watching her put hers up i pulled mine out and she said word for word "looking straight at you." as soon as i read this i found myself sitting beside her talking to her. noticing her shivering and her teeth chattering from being nervous. i assured her not to be nervous because she looked beautiful and i already liked her. we talked until she left and we texted even after wards.

we texted very much more and about a week later she was going to KYA. i knew what happened here because i went when i was in middle school. i remember they were supposed to put their phone up by twelve and we found each other falling asleep on the phone around 3 or 4 o'clock. KYA is three dayn and two nights. and yes of course every night we were still falling asleep on the phone. i remember asking her to talk to her mother about us being okay because i wanted to be able to call her mine. letting the world know that she was mine and i was hers. i was waiting to see the guys faces fall because she was with me. i wanted them to be jealous of me.

the Tuesday that she got back she asked her mom about it, and i do regret this part of the story i am about to tell you about. i remember her calling me crying, and i reassured her saying "baby, everything will be ok, just what's wrong?" she told me the worst thing that i have heard since hearing my foster brother died. her parents did not approve of our age difference and yes it hurt so bad. so we were only allowed to be just friends, for as they knew we were just friends. it was hard to just be friends and we knew that we couldn't do it, so we decided to keep talking the same.

my dad coaches her in club volleyball right now, and i remember one day i went to their practices just to go see her. i knew when i walked in and seen her my heart dropped and i was so nervous. the whole practice i found myself looking her way and both of us meeting eyes and making no conversation, just because this is all we needed. i remember when we were playing volleyball she was across the net from me and the first words she said to me that night " you can't say hey?" just that voice put me on top of the world. after practice was done i was listening to music and she came over there and we talked for a couple of minutes and we knew that the time has come for her to leave. she gave me a hug and she said those three words i would have thought a girl that beautiful would ever say to me in that way... "i love you." i replied in the same saying i love you too and i'll text you soon.

after that day we had talked non-stop i'm talking about in school, on the phone right after school until it was time to sleep. this is to the point in which we have fallen so deep in love that we did not realize there was another world outside of us two. i remember i was at home texting her and all of a sudden it had stopped. the texting has come to an end. she had her friend told me something worse than us not being able to be together. her parents realized that we were still talking. we had talked about our future together like me staying back a couple of years until she graduates from high school. then we both go to uofl together and continue our relationship forward then. we knew there was a slim chance it would happen but we knew nothing would stop us at that point in time. i remember one night she changed my name in her phone from blake to "mys tery(;" to keep it well... a mystery. well her parents had my number blocked so we could not communicate again, ever.

then, when it came to January 20th, her 14th birthday, i decided to go to their practice and suprise her because something was spilled to me a while ago that her perfect birthday present was that i was able to come to the practice. so i knew i had to make it happen, even though me and her had gotten in a fight the day before, but i love her and i'd do anything for her.

so i ask myself do i regret any of it? i don't regret falling in love with her, but i regret going behind her parents back and lying to them. if i could go back and change things, i wouldn't because the lord has something planned for us. we still talk randomly at times, i know when i talk to her it is very rare because we have to sneak, but we still plan on growing up and being together. the chances are very slim but i would do it for her.

why we have so much hate in us?
why do we love so much?
is the world what the lord had invisioned for 2010?
what did he think we would be?

the thing is once you think about this,
he already knows what we would be.
he knews this is how it would be.
he's letting these things happen because he's ready to come back soon.
but don't be afraid for what he has coming for us.

"listen to what i'm about to say.
the only reason we live in a fallen world is because we live in a fallen culture.
but take note, cultures can changed."
that was a quote from Mattie Montgomery.

what do we miss

the missing things in our life.
is that in front on our very eyes.
we miss all the things as they just roll past us as the time goes on.
we don't appreciate the things we have until they're gone.
yes a cliche' saying i know, but it's true.
have you ever thought about how your life is going to be like after your parents are gone?
what about your grandparents , your brothers, sisters, aunts?
what about when you lose some of your friends?

then what is life worth living for if you're losing all the people love?
that's what life is about is finding the truth to your own life.
your life is a journey farther than anyone can tell only because it's your life, not theirs.
the people around you love you more than anyone can.
god, he loves you for you.
so why do we take advantage of things.
we suddenly get in fights with our parents only because we're getting smart.

why can't we appreciate what life has given us?
we are only here for a short time.
the average male's lifespan is what, 85 years old?
i'm afraid of losing the people around me that i love.
you rely on these people for such stupid things.

so how come we don't take care of ourselves until we're 18, 19 years old?
i think gradually it's to show what a family is supposed to be about, and show who you love.
how come we keep the friends that we fight with sometimes?
the thing is there's always going to be obstacles in life.
you just have to get yourelf together and get through it.
because i promise you after you get through it you will understand why that happened.

some people experience things in their life like drugs alcohol and substance problems. there are also problems with inhalents. there is so many teenagers dying of overdosing or drunk driving and/or drunk drivers. the way i look at it and the way i live my life is being straight edge.

straightedge was brought up by a band called "minor threat" in the 80's. the definition of straight edge is a lifetime commitment of not using recreational drugs, using tobacco products, and to refrain from drinking alcohol. it's all about living a drug and poison free life.

i have chosen this lifestyle because i don't wanna fall into the things that my friends have found theirselves upon. i have had a foster brother and a friend die from overdosing. so why not learn from the diceased?

if there was one last thing that they could tell me before they died, it would be to not end up like them. they would tell me to stay away from drugs. now i do believe you shouldn't be allowed to claim straight edge until you have experienced drugs or had a bad situation happen.

what i believe rules us is our past. people like to say don't care about the past live in the present. how are we supposed to live in the present if people judge us upon our past? what happened to people changing? can we not change who we are and what we do compared to what we did and who we were? so why should we even care what others think of us? we live to please others, we would like to disagree but i know that all of us do the same thing. we all want to fit in the "it" crowd, so we do things that other people do.

we are very rarely in control of ourselves and what we do. like i said in the past paragraph we all live to please others and be like most people. when do we become "different?" we try so hard to be different than other, but why do we try so hard to be like everyone else at the same time? we try things we didn't want to try because other people do it, like drugs. we get pressured into drugs because we are around people who do it. it's just sitting infront of us so we take the chance to try them and fall into the mold.

we are never sure of what is going to happen, i mean we have this theory in our head that the world is going to end in 2012. The honest truth is that we honestly don't know what is going to happen. we never know what the future has in store for us, we have no idea what our path is or what the lord has for us. we all have a reason on this earth, but do we know why or what? no, we don't, that's the whole point of our lives is to figure out. we figure our own theories and our life is a theory.